She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
