he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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