Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
