You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
