As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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