he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
