Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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