I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
