We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Semen is not good for contacts.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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