btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize