drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
There's always time for handjobs
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
