mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
