my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
