Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
