ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
