i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
