Whatcha textin bout Willis?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i dont even know how to be here
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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