Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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