Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
