i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
its liver damage thursday
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize