We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
