dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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