I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
