u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize