I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
