I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Banned from zoo.
Again?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
whose ass print is on the piano?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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