I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
