i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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