I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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