Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
