you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
