I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
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