If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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