Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
