so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
