Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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