All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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