i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
