Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
