Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize