i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
