So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
