We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
