Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
