I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he thought i was a dude.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
