she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
