oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
