Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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