he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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