we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
