4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
This beer is not sobering me up at all
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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