My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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