and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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