I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Randomize
