dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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