I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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