You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
