I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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