apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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