did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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