My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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