My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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