Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
