Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
