That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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