am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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