he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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