Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
