My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
