In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Randomize
